I've spent most of my career thinking about how families choose schools.
For fifteen years, I worked in schools doing high school placement and admissions, and for the last dozen or so as a consultant, I've interviewed hundreds of parents, studied how families make decisions, and helped schools figure out what makes them distinctive and how to talk about it.
Now, with a high school senior at home, I'm on the other side of the desk.
Over the past several months, we've sat through college information sessions and toured campuses all over the country. Some visits left us really excited about a school. Others were perfectly pleasant and completely forgettable. A few even made us less interested than when we pulled into the parking lot.
I can't turn off my consultant brain, and the thing I keep noticing is the gap between what schools want to tell us and what we actually want to know.
At one college, the information session was almost entirely about admission: how applications get read, what a competitive applicant looks like, how selective the school is. We walked out knowing a lot about what the college wanted from my daughter and very little about what it could offer her.
At another, the presentation dug into the school's distinctive programs, with examples and video that showed us what the experience might really be like. We walked out excited.
One of my favorite moments so far had nothing to do with content. We were in a packed lecture hall for an information session when the slide deck stopped working. The presenter didn't panic. She made a joke, kept talking, and somehow the session got better without the slides. I honestly don't remember much of what was on them, but I remember her.
Tours have been similar. The guides are usually enthusiastic and know their stuff, but most stick to a set script and route. Hardly any have asked what we're interested in beyond my daughter's intended major (which she isn't sure about, and that's a whole separate moment to navigate!).
On one recent visit, several student guides each introduced themselves briefly and families picked which one to follow. I loved this! Such an easy way to make the visit feel more personal without changing anything about the tour itself.
All of this has me thinking about something I see in independent schools, too.
Schools put a huge amount of time into defining who they are: mission, values, educational philosophy, portrait of a graduate, brand messaging. That work matters, and I encourage schools to do it thoughtfully. But while schools spend a lot of energy on what they want families to understand, they're often less deliberate about finding out what families most want and need to know.
What are they worried about? What are they hoping for? What do they assume about your school? What would make them more interested, or more confident it's the right place for their child?
Sometimes the answers line up perfectly with what the school is already saying. Sometimes they don't.
To be fair, no school can anticipate every question, most can’t build a custom visit for every family, and there are things every prospective family needs to understand about your school, whether they ask or not. But I think you can do both. A school might be excited to talk about its innovative curriculum while a parent is quietly wondering whether their child will get enough individual attention. Or a school might lead with its close-knit community while a family really wants to know how a new kid actually makes friends.
Those two things aren't in conflict. Usually they're connected. The trick is drawing that connection for families instead of hoping they'll make it on their own.
I know it's October, and nobody has time to rethink their whole tour or open house program right now. But here are a few small things you could try:
Ask families what they're hoping to learn. At the start of a tour, ask: "Is there anything you're especially interested in or hoping to find out today?" You don't have to change the route or the presentation. But you can tailor a few examples, point out something relevant along the way, or follow up afterward.
Notice what families are asking. At your next admission team meeting, take ten minutes to talk about the questions you hear most. Are there patterns? Anything surprising? Are families asking about things your tours and presentations barely touch?
Find out what actually sticks. You know the three or four things you want families to remember about your school. But are those the things they walk away with? Ask a few families after their visit what stood out, or what they'd tell a friend. You might find that the messages you've worked so hard on aren't the ones landing, or that something you barely mention is making the biggest impression. (Remember that presenter whose slides died? That's what stuck with us.) Some schools add one question to their post-visit survey: "What's the number one thing you'll remember about your visit today?" It's a simple way to check.
None of this needs a new tour script or a new presentation. It's really just about making sure the conversation goes both ways.
I talk a lot in my work about where mission and market meet. Schools need to be clear about who they are and what they believe. They also need to understand what families value and how they make decisions.
You don't have to change who you are to appeal to the market. You just have to help families see why who you are might matter to them.
